You Me Plus Baby!
by cobra starsfish
Summary: Health class is about to get a little bit more interesting. What happens when Rachel get pairs with her worse nightmare for two weeks of hell in raising a baby. Puckleberry all the way. Enjoy!
1. Preface

**_You, Me Plus Baby_**

**Summary: **Health class is about to get a little bit more interesting. What happens when Rachel get pairs with her worse nightmare for two weeks of hell in raising a baby. Puckleberry all the way. Enjoy!

**A/N:** This has been roaming around in my head for a while, so I decided that I would finally right it. This is AU but it'll stay true to the characters, as much as I can of course. For those of you that are waiting for me to update Chronicles of Chuck Bass I swear I'll get that done before I leave for UNI I've been so brain dead for that story. Sorry my lovely babes !

**ALSO:** I would love love love someone to volunteer to beta this story, it would help me out so much…so if you want to help send me a message !

* * *

Rachel Berry was a star.

Despite the way she may be treated, Rachel Berry could care less about the low less scum that lived in Lima, Ohio. She was going places and while the rest of them would be living in this hell hole until they were six feet under and had at least fifteen kids and twenty grand children.

Ever since she was one, she knew that she was going to have big dreams. She would be on Broadway, and she would win a Tony award or two while married to her leading man. It was her destiny, and her father's were the ones that believe in her the most. The countless hours of exclusive dance classes, voice lessons and of course acting classes she knew who she was it was plastered everywhere, she left her mark whenever and wherever she could and would be plastered in more places. She was determined. You can talk down to her, you can stomp on her dreams unto they were in tiny pieces but Rachel Berry would always have her head held high.

And so what if when she signed her name, she placed a gold star after it. The golden stars were her metaphor and metaphors were important, her gold stars were a metaphor for her becoming a star. So to her dismay when she signed her name onto the list of hopeful glee try outs, she was finally going to be able to actually leave a mark on this piece of shit school, she was going to leave William McKinley High with something to call her own.

She smiled softly to herself as she turned around, holding her books tightly to her body before lifting her glaze up. In the moment of her highest point in high school, it all came crashing down at the speed of light as the cold liquid landing onto her body. Her body was in shock, her eyes burned like fire as the sweet liquid ran down her face. She didn't need to turn around to see who had defiled her face. She knew who it was, although it made her blood boil she wasn't going to stoop to their level. She could hear the cries of laughter, hands lifting for high fives. "Alright man!" It took all her might not to drop her books and run.

Instead she told herself she was Rachel Berry, and she'd be damned if she let these Neanderthal see her cry.

* * *

As much as she told herself she wasn't going to cry, she did. As soon as she turned away from the scene that happened this morning. She eventually made her way to her locker, from experiences she finally came to the conclusion that she was going to have to start having a change of clothes in her locker. Which also hinted to the suitcase backpack she rolled around this school on a daily bases.

As much as she told herself that the slushies where do to the fact that they were just simply jealous of her extreme talent, in the back of her mind she knew the real reason. They all hated her. Why? She had no idea so what if she tended to give her opinion (a lot of the time) but she couldn't help it no one compared to her highly educated vocabulary, she couldn't help it if everyone just happened to be scared of her…or maybe not even that.

She hated to cry, she hated knowing that these people got to her. She'd been teased all her life so she never really understood why she let them get to her, they were nobodies she was a somebody.

So why did she find herself hiding out in a stale in the girls bathroom, why was her hands covering her hot face as tears tickled down. She clean now, changed herself into a fresh white shirt covered with a pink sweater. She doesn't know how long outfit will stay clean, so she can only pray. She lifts her head, repeating in her mind that "She's Rachel Berry and they are just jealous." She continues to repeat this as she stand up off the toilet, brushes her hand along her black skirt to make sure it's perfect.

Then her eyes wonder to the little drawing inside of the bathroom stall. She wipes her eyes to get a clear view, before gasping in complete shock. There in front of her was a completely unnecessary drawing. She's too embarrassed to say anything, she just grabs her bag and rushes out of the bathroom.

Jealous Bastards.

* * *

She finds herself strolling into her third period class, thankfully she made it there before the bell rang, not as early as she would have wanted but close enough. She blinks, holding her head high as she made her way into the room.

"Well well well, if it isn't Rupaul." She stiffens as she hears the up roaring of laughter filling the classroom. She doesn't have to look at the face to know who said it.

"Alright Alright that's enough from you Ms. Quinn." Rachel hears as she sits down at her usual spot, of course in the front of the class because it was important that was no where near those who didn't meet her intellectual mind frame.

"I'm sorry Miss. Phyllis, it won't happen again."

"Good now moving on." Rachel's eyes finally looked up from her hand finally laying her eyes onto the very petite woman in the front of the class. "As I believe some of you think that health education, is a blow off class." Rachel watched as Miss. Phyllis eyes wondered throughout the class landing on the one person who hardly ever went to any of his class, "Mr. Puckerman!" She exclaimed before reaching under her desk for something. "

Thanks to her selective hearing, she could hear the whispers and the sound of high fives going around in the back. With one eye roll and a dramatic huff Rachel focused her attention back onto the teacher. "And seem to think that we wouldn't be doing anything in her all year." She cleared her throat before placing a plastic doll down onto her desk. Rachel straightened a bit more in her chair, curious as to what they would be doing.

Not that Rachel really needed this course. She respected her body, didn't put anything in it besides vegan tested produced. Ever since the day in fifth grade, the class was taken on a trip to a local farm, she just so happened to wonder off on her own because she was Rachel Berry and could walk on her own plus the class was holding her up from being able to see the chickens. When she finally came along the section she thought was for chickens, her eyes widen as a man stood over one of the animals she loved so much. Let's just say as soon as the head flow off and blood splattered all over her daisy yellow dress she would no longer ever eat anything reacted to an animal ever again. Plus of course with the help of her daddy being a doctor she pretty much knew most of the things that helped her stay so healthy and clean.

"Yo Miss P, what's with the doll?" Rachel heard someone call from the back, she resisted the urge to turn around and tell them that she was obviously about to tell them what it was about. "I'm glad you asked Michael, kids today we're going to embark on a journey." She smiled before moving her way in front of the desk with the doll in her arms. "Today or should I say for two week, you all are going to experience the joy of parenthood."

"Are you serious?" Quinn stated before standing up, obviously not happy with the assignment in hand. "As president of the celibacy I don't find this assignment reasonable at all." Rachel rolled her eyes once again, before hearing Miss Phyllis turning to settle down the class so she could speak.

"Miss. Phyllis if you don't mind me saying." Rachel felt herself stand up, so sick of the complaining going around in the classroom. Her eyes immediately start to flame as she heard such nasty comments about her from her classmates, she chose to ignore them. "I'd just like to say, I find the assignment to be an excellent idea, I feel that as young adults we should know what parenthood is like. Which also means that it would help improve celibacy." She emphasized looking straight at Quinn. "By showing us how to use the correct precautions when engaging in sexual activities. Obviously by caring for a baby for two weeks it'll also show us that none of us are ready for taking care of a child." And at that note, Rachel found it was time to take her seat.

"I happen to agree with Rachel." Rachel snapped her head around to see Finn Hudson, her Finn Hudson okay so he wasn't exactly hers…yet but she could dream right? And when he smiled at her she was sure she was going to die enjoying every minute of it she blushed before turning her head away. Although she was still able to feel Quinn's heated glaze burning her back.

"This is absolutely ridiculous." Quinn argued before sitting back down in her seat, looking at Finn as if he'd lost his mind sticking up for her.

"You understand that spring break is next week, right Miss P?"

"Noah, I'm aware that this project will be cutting into you're precious break but may I remind you that you actually need this course to stay in football. I'm pretty sure your coach came to be demanding you all take this course so you can either do this project or you can drop out….it's your course."

She waited a moment and when no one seemed to want to complain anymore she went on. "Now this will be your baby, it'll come with a carrier, stroller, diaper bag, bottles, clothes and these two watches." Rachel's eyes widened as she stared straight at the plastic watches dangling from her teachers fingers. She actually thought they were quite stylish, although she wasn't known as the queen of fashion or anything. "You will have to main the needs of this baby, twenty four seven, seven days a week. Which means these babies will follow you everywhere, no if ands or butts." She paused before looking around, continuing as fast as she could.

"If you allow the baby to cry continuously for one minute, you fail simple as that. Yes it does actually cry. I will also know if you remove the battery pack." Miss Phyllis grinned slowly before placing the doll down on the desk and grabbed her clipboard. "I've taken the liberty to pair you guys off."

Rachel couldn't help but let her eyes wonder over to Finn, she could see him and Quinn writing notes to each other and every time he was grin her heart sank just a little bit more. She always wished she could take the place of Quinn Fabray, she hated knowing that he actually liked Quinn instead of her. She found her self wishing on some act of god that she would be paired up with Finn and they're baby would bring them closer together and then he'd find out that they were madly in love. Then he'd dump Quinn and come running into her arms. Her dreams, her dreams and she always made them come a reality this one would become a reality even if it killed her.

"Brittney Morris and Michel Chang"

"It's Mike, Miss P." Rachel's head turned back to the front as she saw the slight hint of an eye roll in the teachers eyes. She closed her eyes tightly, whispering slightly to herself praying to go that she got Finn, she needed Finn.

"Santana Lopez and Jacob Ben Israel"

"You've got to be fucking kidding Miss Phyllis, there is no way in hell!" Rachel felt herself giggle a bit before turning to see a really flaming Santana, looking at a really flushed Jacob. That was really a gift from god, she'd seriously murder someone if she was paired up with him.

"Matt Rutherford and Tina Cohen-Chang."

Rachel found herself smiling at Tina who sat next to her everyday, and when she smiled back she felt as if everything was going to work out okay, and maybe just maybe she'd get her wish.

"Quinn Fabray and Finn Hudson."

Rachel Berry, Rachel Berry found herself completely dumbfounded as a loud roar started in the classroom. Mainly from Santana who was making it very clear how unfair it was that the two lovebirds were paired together when Miss. Phyllis only shrugged saying that she was sorry but she didn't make this groups up. Rachel felt her whole heart get stomped on, slushied on and then flushed down the toilet. She bit her bottom lip, trying to focus on her hands currently sitting on the table. She would not be upset over this, no matter how badly she wasn't to be paired up with Finn she'd find some other way to make everything work out between them. He seemed to care about her feelings, he did stick up for her.

"Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman."

No. Holy Hebrew. Way

"Are you serious? I have to be paired up with 'crazy'?" Rachel's head snapped up once again, anger clearly showing in her eyes as she turned to look at Puck. She glared and she glared hard hoping it would make his head explode into millions of pieces.

"I resent being called 'crazy'," Rachel spoke up, which happen to sound like she was yelling more than anything. "As much as I really don't want to be paired up with a Neanderthal like you and I much as I wish some act of god would make a lion eat you, you're stuck with him and I'd like you to reframe from calling me names Puckerman."

"Oh what the fuck ever." Was the last thing she heard him say before turning her selective hearing off and listening to the teacher call out the rest of the pairs. She noticed her heart pounding in her chest, had Noah Puckerman really made her that mad? She looked down at her clutched fist, deciding that getting mad over the unpredictable situation was completely stupid.

"Okay now class, I'm going to hand out a sheet of paper that you will record your babies name, both your names and any activities you guys are currently in which of course is going to help you in planning your time with the baby. Now if you don't mind go sit next to your partners please." As soon as she heard chairs scrap across the floor, Rachel's fist went back to being clutched harder than before. She wasn't moving, she would be damned if she became of follower of Puck's. It took him at least ten minutes to get that she wasn't coming to him before he plopped down into the chair next to her.

"So Berry, what are we going to name our baby. I say meatwad because I heard that's what they look like when they come out of the vagina."

Rachel felt her whole body start to shake, this was going to be a long two weeks and she had to try her absolute hardest not to unleash a lion from the local zoo into his bedroom.


	2. Chapter 1

_**You, Me Plus Baby**_

**Summary: **Health class is about to get a little bit more interesting. What happens when Rachel get pairs with her worse night mare for a week of hell in raising a baby. Puckleberry all the way. Enjoy!

**A/N: **Oh I'm glad to wake up and see that so many people have subscribed to this story. I was wandering about FF one day and realized 'how does NO one do a story about this taking care of a baby…..epic' so I did it….and I'm hope I do you guys justice. We had this class in high school although we didn't get to take the babies home…(I'm also studying up on it too ha-ha) enjoy!

ALSO: I don't own glee, trust me If I did I would focus on ALL the character in the glee club I'm just saying. However spelling mistakes are all me, sorry guys my Microsoft word sucks (still looking for a beta btw). Oh and Kudos to those that are noticing the Glee Quotes I'm throwing in here ha-ha, I thought they'd make it more interesting.

"No Noah, we are not naming this baby meat wad. That name is completely ridiculous and no child needs to walk around with a name as horrible as that." Rachel sighed "Seeing as it reminds you of it coming from a female's body part" before grabbing the doll off the table in front of them, she studied it carefully watching as its eyelids closed when it was laying down, and opened when it was picked up. If she didn't have other problems to deal with, such as being partners with an ass this would have totally creped her out.

"Damn Berry, it's just a doll. I'm pretty sure my sister has this thing….what is it a Cabbage Patch kid or whatever the fuck they call them. It's not even that seriously."

Puck watched as Rachel inhaled deeply before, placing the doll right back down on the table before shifting her eyes onto him. If she wasn't such a crazy as bitch he would have thought the look she was giving right now was sexy as hell. No wait, sexy was not the word that described Rachel. Crazy was one but not sexy his nana's poodle would be sexier than Rachel Berry any time.

"Noah, you may not take this project seriously but I do. This is not a doll it's an infant simulator" He laughed at this which only caused Rachel to turn crimson red. "You're a sick, pathetic excuse of a male."

"Yeah keep going Berry you're calling me things I already know that I am."

"Anyways as I was saying, that this is our baby -" She paused before pulling it's pants down. "Girl apparently for two weeks and I suggest that you man up and deal with what you have to do."

"Are you questioning my badassness Berry?"

"That's not even a word!" She exclaimed before rubbing her temples softly letting out a deep heavy sigh. "Yes Noah I'm questioning it so are you actually going to come up with a nice baby name or do I have to do it by myself like I'm going to have to do everything anyways?"

Puck rolled his eyes softly, making sure he made it just as dramatic as her long speech. He was seriously sick of her shit already, it was getting to the point where he really just wanted to shove one of his dirty gym sock into her mouth and slushie her ten times more that day."How about Abigail?" He was a little taken back as Rachel's head whipped around to look at him as if it was literally about to fall off. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened as if she was about to say something but couldn't get the words out. "Damn Berry if you didn't like the name you could have said so."

"No Noah I like it, it's a lovely name."

"It's Puck."

"What?" Rachel questioned looking at him as if he had lost his mind, which she was sure he had because lord knows it took someone with lower self esteem then hers to throw people in dumpsters and splatter them with slushies but she decided to reframe from discussing anything that wasn't needed with him at the moment.

"I'm called Puck, not Noah."

"Really? I see as much as you like that pathetic nickname, and that you'll more than likely tell me it matches your self proclaimed might I add badassness. I will call you what I like, when I like I refuse to let that horrible nickname pass through my lips."

"Berry, you keep talking and all I really want to do is set myself on fire….literally."

Rachel had seriously had it. She was so sick and tired of him and his horrible come backs and if she wasn't trying to be classy she would have slapped the taste buds out of his mouth. She felt her fist clutch once again before grabbing the paper that had yet to fill out. Writing all her information down before standing up grabbing her things. Her eyes wandered to the clock before hearing the ear piercing sound of the bell fill the room and Miss Phyllis yell her last minute request.

"I'm sure you can fill the rest of that out Noah, I've got things to do so if you'd be so kind as to meet me her after school so that I can draw up a schedule for us so that we'll never have to communicate with each other ever during this project I'd really appreciate it."

"Whatever Berry, who's going to take the baby?"

"You are obviously, since you don't do anything during school except take naps in the nurses office."

"Total bull shit Berry I've got things to do too."

"Oh really like what?"

"I've got an appointment. Look just put the fucking doll in your locker and forget the damn thing."

"Really are you taking care of that rash? And like I told you it's an infant simulator!" He seemed to think that word once again was funny, which only made Rachel's blood boil twice as fast as before. "I don't see what's so funny, must you be so vulgar?"

And at that Rachel Berry walked out of the classroom with her head held high, her bag strolling along behind her leaving a very confused yet pissed off Puck in his wake.

Fucking Bitch.

Rachel Berry was pissed.

Puck couldn't see this however when he was doing his dirty work with his fellow football members after school. It was dumpster time and everyone knows when it's dumpster time Puck is in a zone, being a badass was hard work.

"Okay it's hammer time." Puck announces before making his way over to the very well dressed young man in front of the group. He smirks before grabbing him roughly.

"Oh my god, please this is Marc Jacobs new collection." Kurt Hummel, the overly melodramatic male shrieked as he was being man handled. In Puck's mind this shouldn't be that big of a deal to him, he should be enjoying it.

"Wait," Puck huffs before setting the male down, before turning to look at the at least six foot three Finn standing in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see hair flying, one arm swinging and hear tiny little hurried feet rushing towards them.

"Fuck me!" He exclaimed loudly, see no other than Rachel Berry hurrying towards the group pausing before looking around, smiling brightly when her eyes landed onto Finn's.

"Hi Finn."

"H-Hey Rachel."

"Dude!" Puck punched him his hardest, before turning to look into the short females eyes giving her the fakest grin he could. "Well Berry, what may we help you with?" Then just then he noticed the fire in her eyes as she stepped up closer to him, placing her pointer finger onto his chest.

"Noah Puckerman!" She exclaimed, Puck's face fell as he hard to snickers in the background thinking to himself, they were so dead tomorrow. "I told you to meet me in Miss Phyllis room after school and did you show up? No!" She paused before looking around. "Where is Abigail."

"She's in my locker." He shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"You've got to be kidding me, would you put a real baby into a locker? You idiot!" She rubbed her temples for what seemed the fifteen time today. "You do understand that this is a grade right? I refuse to have you soil my perfect record just because you don't know how to deal with your business." At that note, Rachel grabbed his wrist pulling him to follow her.

"Slow the fuck down, you act as if anything happen to the damn thing."

"Puckerman, do the words 'you have one minute of the baby crying before you fail' mean anything to you?"

"No not really."

She chose to ignore anything else that escaped from his mouth from that moment on as she pushed herself through the doors of the high school. She could feel his wrists trying to pull back but she held on tightly causing her nails to dig into his skin a little. If this was Rachel he would find that totally fucking hot, push her against a wall and fuck her senseless but no he couldn't do that, that would be like cross contamination and he refused to put Puckertone.

As soon as they reached his locker, she placed her hands on her hips pointing at the locker as if it was the enemy. He sighed rolling his eyes slowly before twisting the combination and pulling the lock open. As soon (she kids you not) as soon as he opens the locker the loud wailing of a baby shoots into their eyes. "Fuck!" she could hear him exclaim before grabbing the doll, looking at it as if it was seriously the worse thing in the world.

"Noah do something!"

"It's Puck!"

"Whatever I don't care, hold it, feed it, change it's diaper.""Hell no, seriously Rachel you take this project way to seriously." At the blink of his eyes, she grabbed the doll from his hands, rocking it slowly in her arms before holding it close to her chest. As soon as the sounds died down they both exhaled loudly, Rachel's heated glaze met his smirk.

"Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself?" She questioned loudly enough for it to echo through the halls. He pondered this for the moment, of course he did! He cared about his mother, although she was a crazy psycho witch that was always breathing down his neck to marry a Jewish girl. He also cared about his sister, despite the mean things he did to her….what he was a badass, he couldn't show emotions.

"Well, Santana bent over the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries. That's me thinking of other right? Because seriously those skirts are like crunchy toast"

"That is completely irreverent to what we are discussing Noah! You're a disgusting pig!" Her face was completely flushed as she reached into his locker for the rest of their babies stuff. "Could you at least just this once care about Abigail? It's two weeks just make the best out of it!"

"Okay Crazy Berry whatever you say."

"You know what, forget it I keep trying to look past your vulgarity, but it's not working at all so maybe we should part our separate ways on this project seeing as I'm much more mature than you are or will ever be." She inhales sharply before going on. "You're a horrible father Noah Puckerman, so I'll draw up a schedule that works out best for us seeing as you don't want any part in this child's life. Goodbye Noah."

Puck wasn't sure how long he'd be standing there since she had left. She was right about him not being a very good father. She was right because honestly who did leave a baby in a locker even if it was a doll. He shrugged it all off before closing his locker, walking towards the front doors of the school. She was Rachel Berry and she had definitely just gotten under his skin.

Damn Females.

"Daddy?" Rachel whispers quietly into the phone before looking around the empty school yard. She sighed before listening to his soft voice ring in her eye. "What is it sweetie?"

"Can you come and get me? I had to stay after school." For absolutely no reason, she wanted to add but she didn't want to make it seem like she was doing this to make him come get her.

"Oh honey I can't, I'm up to my neck in paper work, did you call and ask your dad to come get you?"

"Yes but he's busy too, it's okay daddy I'll just walk it's not that far." She was lying, it was extremely far and with a baby doll, stroller, carrier and bags she it was going to take her days to get home. Oh god she couldn't be on her feet that long, what about dance class. She was seriously starting to freak out. As her father shakily told her okay and that he would see her later, she hung up looking down at the doll with it's eyes completely closed.

"I'll take you home Berry."

Rachel seriously jumped from the seat she was currently sitting in before narrowing her eyes on the strip of hair on his head that he liked to call 'the hawk.' More like you look like an absolute fool in her mind but she was going to bite her tongue at this moment. "No." She answered quickly before grabbing her stuff.

"Oh god, please stop walking around with a stick up your ass for five minutes, I know you don't want to walk home so let me give you a ride."

"Noah the day I let you give me a ride is the day when pigs fly and making a wish on airplanes actually works."

"God you go on and on about me being an ass, and when I try and help you out you tell me no." He paused before rolling his eyes stepping a bit closer to her. "I mean what I said about you making me want to set myself on fire but I'm not going to make you walk ten miles just to get home, so you either suck up your pride and let me take you home or you walk forever. It's your choice."

"Fine!" She exclaimed before handing him the carrier that was currently holding a sleeping Abigail. He smirked softly thinking that this was one of the most ugliest babies he has ever seen but he really didn't want to argue anymore he just wanted to go home.

As soon as they make it to his truck, Rachel pauses looking at him then at the door. He shrugs looking at her as if she had lost her damn mind thinking he was going to open her door. He chuckles as he hears the comment "chivalry is dead." come from her lips.

As soon as he hops into his truck, putting all the baby things into the back handing the carrier to Rachel so she can hold it. She huffs softly before looking down at the baby, pulling it's blanket over it's body as if it was cold. Seriously? It was a fucking doll oh no his bad it was an infant simulator or whatever the fuck she told him it was. He places the keys into place before having the truck fill with some heavy metal rock band he happened to be into at the moment.

"Noah can you turn that off?"

"Really Rachel? I'm sorry it's not that Broadway musical crap you listen…what's that Cats? Or some shit."

"Cats wasn't even a good musical, it was horrible so I resent that coming from your lips. Just turn it off please it's making my brain turn into mush."

Puck growled low in the back of his throat before turning the music off. He shook his head softly before pulling out of the schools parking lot. This was seriously about to be two weeks of hell and it was only one day down.


End file.
